Dairy of an Irregular Girl !

Sometimes happiness dwells in small lukewarm sentiments.. like a hug from your mother... Mild sensation of nail polish remover while removing half scratched color from your nails and letting them breathe for a change..                 Sitting next to room heater in a cold night, soaking in the warmth... With your thoughts riding high and low! You are allowed to think anything from sex to serenity while alone... with a hot mug of coffee..                 Big passions and dreams do have their importance... Of course! but their success and failure don't define our life ! Why burden our job or personal relationship with the whole responsibility of making us happy... why not give chance to small things. A very special friend of mine once said to me," just stand in your balcony... feel the breeze on your face... listen to a nice song... and you will feel happy... nothing else is required"... and trust me, having small meaningless dirty talks with a close friend has the pote

I am one of those girls... who are scared to death with the sight of an Ugly Fat Lizard while peeing... finish their business with their heart pounding ... eyes fixed at its slightest movements..they slowly crawl out of the loo and then run over ... to the bed..             If you are one of those girls too... who try their best to get a sound sleep at night, but get disturbed by a weird image near your chair ...( formed may be by that jacket you had thrown in a haphazard manner) which has this capability of taking shapes of demons .. hovering over your bed ... and so.. you decide to sleep with lights on . Its okay !            Because, even if you are a girl who forgets to buy that one thing you needed the most.. and you have have so many things to do that you get tired just by contemplating them in your head and take a nap instead ! or even if you are a girl who makes a diet plan whole day and ends up having maggi and chocolate for supper.. still you can make it on your own...

I encounter women, with their judging eyes, almost everyday ! scanning me head to toe for symbols like Sindoor, Bengals.. mangalsootra !! (  which, by the way,  i avoid wearing just because they make me feel so itchy and uncomfortable) ... and I fail them everyday in their efforts of making me understand the glory  and the divinity  behind "lowered eyes", "soft words" ...the whole " saree-fication" of a married female in our country ! ...and I can literally see the terror in their eyes of KALIYUG at their doors !!          I encounter educated ( allow me to say pseudo-educated) men, scared as hell, watching their whole " sabhyata"  being shattered down,  just because of my dressing-sense and my behavior.          How potent i am ! an average moody girl ! that I have a whole culture dependent on my jeans ! Jokes apart ! It pains me to realize, how shallow a particular "culture/faith/religion" must be, that generations after generation

There are times when I feel, I Don't fit in the social structure of phenomenon... times when I feel, I am an animal...a wild animal trapped inside this Body! who just wants to rip apart everything in sight... decency, morality, femininity, culture, grammar... and most of all rip apart this female body and come out !!         I want to roar and shout "Shut up !!!"  ...         I want to be ecstatic for a change !